Tuesday, May 31st, 2011

A face of rest holds a mind of great outcome for me.
Tired without the the injury of tomorrow.
Amazing peace tonight.
The fact things are done and the hopes of a rest of tomorrow.
I sleep now.
I sleep without worry. I sleep without his burden.
I sleep for me, just me. 

April 30th, 2011

Better. It was a..calm day.

Went to Melissa’s party. Danced. Chilled. Had two cups of coffee. The pulled pork was made with rootbeer-that was pretty bomb.

Surrounded by friends. Couldn’t ask for more. Man, i needed that shit.. You don’t even know..

But man..i hate him. I’m hating him. Guys on his dick like he’s the fuckin’ shit. If you want him, ya got him. Ain’t nobody want a fake. Lies and tramps, tramps and fuckin’ lies. I’m so sick of your shit dude-you don’t understand.

Why do i play these games-fuck it-it’s not fair.

Why don’t your pussy ass come the fuck over already. My heart can’t wait much longer. My heart don’t got a size no longer. It don’t shrink, it don’t grow. You fuckin’ pigs just take that shit. Where’d it go? I don’t even understand. Where the fuck did it go? Who the fuck has it? Sittin’ here crying with this nothin’ in my chest.

Got to hold on. Got to mother fucking hold on. Leave the world behind you say? Show me love? These anthems turn to stone like scars on a wall-no paint to cover, no wallpaper.

Got to give up. Live for somethin’ else. I don’t know what-guess i’ll find out when i do.

His bullshit is done-i’m over it-i’m through.

Ain’t none of these fuckers gonna fuck me over. I’m over it now.

Gotta..keep my hand on the plow.

someawfullyclevername asked: Hi, how are you today?? :)

If this was asked on April 29th, please read my journal log.
:/ 

April 29th, 2011

Oh. Sick. So sick. My brain so sick. My body is sick.

Done with human nature today. As i’m rejected and flaked on. You say no my heart sinks to my stomach.

I can’t trust him..Doubt. Endless doubt.

My head throbs: fuckin’ humans just don’t stop. What the fuck is your problem?
Why did you do this to me? Fuck it. Fuck it.

Let’s just hope, when all is said and done, that tomorrow is made with a kinder heart.

Thank you Jesus, deliver me. Write your psalms and proverbs deeply etched in my spine. God please. God please. I love you. No one beats you-none outmatches you.

Starving. Why haven’t i ate? Why do i lack the anticipation to eat? Am i upset, fuck i don’t know.

Help me get through today, just close the fuckin’ book. When all is said and done just fuckin’ close the book. 

April 28th, 2011

Do i love him?

Yes. If it’s real.

Tired. Running. 2 hours of sleep.

Struggle. For something simple i struggle. But my goal is nothing simple.

Love. I want to be loved. Love me. Hurt me..Please just fuckin’ hold me.

I’m out. Peace. Fuck you. I envy you fuckers with love.

Bernie